I share Gratitude

I haven't posted much the past little bit. Most of the stuff going on in my life comes back to the same things. I am grateful for my life.

I am grateful for:
The home I live in
being able to pay my bills
Having 6 weeks to hang out with my little girl
John, and everything he does
My mom
my car works well
the snow
bean bags
my health
Christmas
Christmas dinner
My brothers and sisters
Showers
stiches
kittens
our baby girl
Mr. kelton
Daycare
my phone
blankets
my DAD
Uncle Sam (my brother)
Wendy and Olivia
did I say John?
Diapers
Tevo
breast milk
breathing
robots
cartoons
water
good sleep
breakfast
baby monitors
watermelon
the sun
summer
friends
my job
our house

I am not sure what I have done to have such an awesome abundant life but I am going to thoroughly appreciate and enjoy this.

Penelope Francis

Penelope was born Dec 14 at 3:03 pm. She was 7.7 lbs and 20 inches. More to come on this subject. She's is freakin cute though :)

I waddle like a watermelon.

If a watermelon could waddle, I would look just like it at this point in my pregnancy. John threatens to grab the camera every time he catches me trying to put on tights or leggings. It gives me lots of motivation to work out after the baby. I miss running. I almost "old lady" slipped on the ice the other night. It is a good thing I am whiny and made John hold my arm while I walked to the car. He has been super conscious to be the man on my arm since then :)
It is official, My body has reached the point of never being the same. I might seem superficial, I am kinda jealous of some of my peers that avoided the stretch mark stage. I have a map on my tummy now that tells the story of this last month and how my body stepping up to its "fullest". I honestly have kept my skin lubed up with oils, butters, lotion and internal vitamin E supplements and I am now a believer when they say, "If you are going to get them, you are going to get them." I am grateful I am doing what I can though because then I might have different feelings about the patterns on the bottom of my torso. Some stripes won't hold me back from being the sassy, attractive woman that I am. At least at this point I can add voluptuous to the adjectives that describe me.
I am actually glad that I haven't had an crazy complications with the pregnancy and the worst I am dealing with is something as silly as skin discoloration. It is times when I am having a pity party that I think of my sister-in-law Reagan. It makes me really thankful for the way my pregnancy and the baby growth has gone. My niece Piper was born with a laundry list of health challenges to face in this life. And Reagan was smart enough and in tune enough with her body to go to the hospital at the right time or we might not have sweet little Pip with us. I hope that I am as aware as that.

Anyway, I am finding myself full of love at the end of this blog so I am going to savor that.
I hope everyone is doing well.

Love, Mimi

Rant with where I am at feelings and stuff.

I am putting a warning at the beginning of this for all of those who aren't interested in reading the random inner scripting of a prego stressed out female. If you wanna skip over the first part I am planning on putting my Gratitude list at the end.

I woke up from a nightmare crying this morning and then realized that it was my reality. I couldn't sleep hardly at all last night. I couldn't stop thinking about all of the crap I am stressing about. I was so deep into it that I dreamed about all kinds of horrible outcomes that I feared. I figure my nightmares will be a reality if I keep going down these tracks. I am running into a wall that I didn't know was up. It seems just a second ago my life and mind state was open, loving and carefree. The experience of myself recently is that a part of me, that I thought wasn't a part of me, is still here. It is the part of me that doesn't want to share, hug, trust or empathize. I am not going to say this part is me all the time but it is this person that comes out every once in a while.
I feel like my life has been asking for Honesty (not the vague kind) and when I started being honest it doesn't want it anymore. And it feel like when I am honest with myself and relationships about my feelings and what I want, it doesn't make a lick of difference (not all the time but lately). If anything I am too abrasive for my surrounding and everything shuts down. Then I shut down.
I am tired and warn feeling and what I want just doesn't work for everyone else. It seems ages ago (though I am only 25) but the abrasive and raw honesty used to be attractive and kind of endearing. Now it seems I have surrounded myself with a calmer community who I have trained to get used to the family friendly Mimi. Though I am capable of being a loving, powerful, passionate women all the time, I feel like I am more complicated then just that. It is like the belly side of loving, powerful, passionate.

This section was not flattering. It was how I feel, shallows and depths of 3 person parenting right now. There are victim parts and there are rude parts and there are sweet parts. I wrote it and though I wanted to keep the cynical, shallowness I am capable of, I know it will not serve me in my life to post it. It is a misrepresentation of the whole of me and I am not going to betray the sweet, innocent, caring girl who really does love anything she can. I did write it out and it was very cathartic to be so raw. I think it would serve me best in what I am creating in my life to not publish judgments and scripts about those who I love and those who I want to love. Lets just say I am human. I will include some excerpts to give you an idea of what I am frustrated with and let go of the venting part (because it served its purpose):
The box of "step mom" I feel am put in. Feeling unappreciated.....
Okay so I just spent 10 minutes trying to "include some excerpts" and that is all I could come up with without screaming my judgments and anger everywhere.

Being a few weeks shy of being 9 months prego scares the crap out of me. I feel bad for my husband because of how much I cry and how manic I am capable of being. He is the one I tend to criticize first (not on purpose, I just notice this) I feel like this and a few other things are really putting stress on our marriage. I wish I could fix it all with magic or something. It get to points like this where I notice and then I work on stuff, then it is good, then i find myself in this spot again, then I start over. I am glad he is willing to move forward and work on things with me. I am thankful he chooses to be with me through thick and thin. I am not sure if right now is a thick or thin part but i am glad he is the one that is sleeping next to me at night, Even if I am upset and crying. I probably should stop with the thinking so much about it so I can notice he thinks I am beautiful and loves me.

This is the part where I step back and take a look at what I want to do now. What is said and done is said and done. I can't change people or the fact I am prego, this I know.
I can change where I am going with this in my life. I guess I will just keep being honest. If anything I can honor the part of me that will stand up for what I want. I don't like being a doormat. I am going to be more conscious of others because I think that is what I am wanting most and If I am not being aware of where other people are at and take it into consideration the why would they do that for me?
I am going to appreciate myself more for the stuff I do as a Mom. I don't sell Kelton short that is for sure and I am so proud of him. I get to remind myself that I am a big part of his life and it is okay to say "Yeah, I taught him that". I listen to him, I love on him, I feed him, I make sure his homework is done, buy him pants that fit, make sure his shoes are the right size, draw with him, I remember his jacket, I take him to the library, I dance with him, I read to him, I go on walks with him, I let him bake stuff with me, I take him out to lunch, I paint faces at daycare, I make him awesome birthday cakes and Halloween costumes. I make sure he has a present for birthday parties, I make sure he has a schedule. And I do stuff he hates like make him wash his hands and brush his teeth, and wear the pants that he hates to button, make him clean his room, only allow so much TV time. I know I am not the only one who does these things for Kelton but this is me appreciating myself for the things I pride myself in making a note of in his life. I probably wouldn't have gotten pregnant if Kelton wasn't such an awesome kid. He inspired me to want another child. He is going to be such an awesome brother. :)
So I guess this is it, time to suck it up and let go of all my blahness. Time to practice listening and caring about people other then myself.

Gratitude list:
Myself
my body
the baby in my tummy
John
Kelton
my family
my mom
almonds
Doctors
my friends Olivia and Wendy
Tricia picks up Kelton when it is her turn
Halloween
bleach smell
Money
Jobs
Thanksgiving
Bananas
Kelton setting the table
Ninja Turtles
coffee cups
the feel of nice paper
robot drawings
My sisters
Health care
discounts
lizards
Grandmas
beards
good smelling soap
car washes
My car
pictures of cats that look like my cats
pitas
crisp apples
baking pie
internet
openness
Authenticity
calenders
snuggling

thanks for reading and knowing I am human.
Love, Mimi

San Diego Trip 2009

John kelton and I went and visited Uncle Pete and Aunt Kristin recently. i figured It could be a last harrah trip for Kelton being an only child. We all had sooo much fun!
It was nice Kristin was my prego buddy i could sit with while the boys went and played. We went from Oct 1st and left on Oct 5th.
First night we got there we visited... In and Out Burger, woot woot. Next day was SeaWorld! then we did lots of beach visiting and flea market shopping :) Krisitn's parents made us lunch one day and it was GOODLICIOUS! Our frined Hailey drove down from LA to come say Hi to us on Sunday. Overall, it was a pretty good trip :)

Here are some good photo albums with pictures from the whole thing :)

San Diego 2009

Sea World Oct 2 2009

Kelton's 5th Birthday

We had a lot of Fun with Kelton this year for his birthday. Well, we had a party at Grandma Beth's house. First we painted pumpkins and then John BBQed up some yummy hot dogs and hamburgers. After that we played the "Dot Game" where you win prizes if you land on the right color dot after music stops. After that we did the hokie pokie then we had Ninja turtle cupcakes and opened presents. It was a pretty fun full birthday :)






here is an album of pictures from Kelton's birthday week And some Videos!

Kelton's 5th Birthday 2009

Existential discussion with a toddler

This morning on the way to work/school Kelton and I had a great discussion about heaven, our bodies, and our soul/spirits. John and I are spiritual people and we choose not to follow any certain religion. I wasn't armed with a check list of how heaven works. I figure it is safe to say that is where we go when we die especially if we live our life to the fullest. Then sweet little Kelton asks, "How do we get back alive in heaven if we die?"
We proceeded to talk about our bodies and spirits and how our bodies are mortal and the just are the "house" for our souls. Thank goodness he has seen the movie Brother Bear so he got the concept of our spirits being separate from our bodies no problem. (the main character transfers on a spiritual quest from being in a man body to a bear body)
After deciphering the difference between spirit and the body, i brought up how the body is the mortal part. And told him how every day he grows and gets older and everything dies eventually it is one of life's only certain thing that we can count on. Kelton told me he doesn't want his body to die ever. I let him know he wouldn't have to worry about it for a long time if he takes good care of his body and stays healthy.
After talking about dying Kelton was concerned about being able to find heaven after he dies. He doesn't want to get lost because who know the address to heaven, right? I told him his spirit already knows where it is deep down inside and he would remember when it was time to leave his body. Something clicked for him after that and he was totally at peace with the "deep down we know what to do".
After a minute or so he asked me "If your spirit is deep inside of your body, does little sister play with yours?" It was really hard not to giggle at his innocent inquiry. I told him she keeps hers separate so when it is time to come out she can take it with her.
It is strange the spiritual/energetic battle I have actually had being pregnant. It took me a while to decipher the line between "little sister" and me. I guess that is probably the way it is supposed to be.

I wonder if Kelton will remember this conversation as well as I am going to.
I think he is going to turn out pretty okay.

love, Mimi

Desk drawing 9/16/09

a tuesday drawing at my desk

Kelton's pockets

I found this too cute to not post. When we were cleaning our old house to move out Kelton wen around collecting overlooked treasures. This is what I found in his pockets the laundry day after.

Self Portrait of this moring at work

Click to make it bigger

Kelton's First Day of Kindergarten

Kelton Started Kindergarten today. Originally he wasn't supposed to start till next year because his birthday is In October. We thought was just going to do Pre-school again since his daycare does integrated learning with their daily schedules. Kelton was really sad about it a month or so back when all of his buddies he had got to know in his daycare where leaving to "got to school" and he was too young. It was kind of rough.
Well after talking to the Daycare director, she said that the Kindergarten class was small enough that the we could sneak him in. One reason I picked this Daycare is that it is state monitored so the food and curriculum are up to par with the state system. A teacher comes in and actually teaches Kindergarten and it is credited and recognized in the school system. They told me Kelton shows he is mature enough and developed enough that his cognitive little brain could totally keep up. So Kelton is starting a year early in School! Now he can either test into 1st grade next year or re-do kindergarten in the district our house is in! yay!
When I broke the news to Kelton about him going to school this year he said "But Mom I am too small." It took a half hour of talking about it for him to "kind of" believe me. When we went to the store to pick up his school supplies he finally trusted that he was really going to school. Kelton picked out a sweet sparkly fish folder and a blue pencil box. We will see if he is still excited about it at the end of the day.

This weekend has been sooo busy. We got all of our belongings into our new house FINALLY! I am so grateful for all the friends who have helped out this weekend. It was a god send. I am really glad I packed all of Kelton's first day of School stuff in an over night bag or else I would be rummaging through boxes this morning :P John is pretty amazing. I am surprised his body still works after moving everything, I am blessed. Also I am grateful for my dad letting me use his truck this weekend, I am pretty lucky to have it on hand.

Also, I had another Prego Dr. appointment this morning and I am the right size and "Toast" is nice healthy and fine! 24 weeks and 2 days in she is wiggly as ever! She punches John's hand when he cuddles with me in the mornings. She recognizes Grandma's voice now because she has been helping me so much with the house. Last night she got scared because our friend's dog started barking. It is kind of cute when she gets startled.
I guess that is about it for the post today.
Love, Mimi

A whole lot of words

Dear Diary,

My little sister is having her baby as we speak and I am stuck at work. Don't get me wrong, I am super grateful for the steady job I enjoy but I really don't want to be here. *Sigh*

I am having a rough morning (I guess afternoon now) and I wish I was in bed. I heard my alarm go off and instead of pushing snooze I just turned it off. i was 15 minutes late and un-showered to work. Yes, I could have slept for 4 days straight if my life would let me. I ask myself, why am I so tired? Why am I exhausted after such a low effort low yield day? Everyone keeps saying "well you are prego Mimi".. but it seems like that just isn't a good reason, I don't know why. My head just doesn't wrap around it. I forget I am supposed to take things easy. It is hard to do that in my family. John picks up so much slack. I think he is going to have a stress induced coma when all of our house stuff is done.
Speaking of our house. It is official, we signed papers and got keys. I am now a resident of Sandy UT. The funny thing is we can't even move in yet because we are ripping out and putting things in still so I get to have a whole month of packing :) At least it will be good when we move in. The house has a really nice personality, I can't wait to post some pictures. I wish we had more $$$$$ right now so I can make it my dream house but I understand that it will get done eventually.
I am full of gratitude for what I have. Especially my family. I am so glad I have the support of my parents and husband and little boy. Last time Kelton left to go to his momma Tricia's house he asked if "little sister" was going to miss him. (then he answered in his little voice "yes") :)
Kelton has grown so much! He is up two shoe sizes! crazy how fast stuff goes by. One thing this house has brought me is a sigh of relief knowing that Kelton is going to have consistent school and neighborhood from now on... it is my silver lining on my stressful situation.

love, Mimi

Baby Girl

This morning I found out I am having a little girl. :) I am pretty excited. I think everyone and their dog told me I was going to have a girl. I personally didn't have the slightest idea of what i was having, I am just hoping for a healthy baby. It was really sweet to see her move in my tummy on the ultrasound. I felt her flutter the last week a couple of times, I think she is more awake at night.
Kelton is so adorable with my tummy. The other day he came up to me and put his hands on it and asked me how the baby was. I said, "I dunno, maybe you should ask it." He replied, "Mom, no you have to!" I convinced him to put his ear to my tummy to see if he could hear the baby's answer when I asked it (since I can't bend that far over). "Baby, how are you doing?", I said and Kelton answered in a little baby voice "I am just fine."
It made me giggle, I am so happy Kelton is so great, he is going to be such a great brother.
Here are some pictures of the little girl in my tummy. I pinked out the background so you can see HER better. She is 16 weeks and 2 days old.

She is laying on her back and her face is turned toward us in this one



There are her cute little feet!

Loving Life's simple Joys

Gratitude list
my parents
puppies
spagettios
our water filter
John
abundance
money
fine tip sharpie markers
this picture I drew:

grapes
good friends
Aunts
hand-me-downs
Laura
polka dots
anime
my siblings
my car
grass smell
creamies
my health
my tummy baby
ice tea (I miss it)
single servings
blueberry pancakes
BBQs
sprinklers
Kelton
dreams
fabric
underwear that fits perfect
shampoo smell
fuzzy
tires
grabbing for the right key the first time
vaccines
chapstick
that kelton calls chapstick "chopstick"
Piper
longboards
parks
ginger ale
graveyards
tomatoes
roses
the house we are getting
paper
area codes
sunshine
earphones
otter pops

:)

A blip of summer

This summer has been excellent so far. We have had some fun BBQs and good times so I will post some pictures for eveyone!

Best car washer ever!

John, the "grill master" at Liberty Park

John and I at Grandma Peggy's house

Uncle Josh and Kelton gathering eggs

In the Mountains for BJ's birthday

baby and balancing

Today I saw my baby bouncing/jumping in my tummy. I had a Dr. appointment, we were listening for the heartbeat and we just heard lots of noise. The Dr. said it was moving around so he went and grabbed the "look inside your tummy" machine and I got to see an excited little baby :) It was pretty cute. It actually looks like a baby now! Less like a gummy bear, more like a cinnimon bear. it got me all excited. I am feeling super emotional today, I think it is due to excitement/fear.
John and I got our offer accepted on our house. Now we just have to do the miles of paperwork it takes to get an FHA loan *yay*. This next week we are getting the house inspected so we know we aren't trying to buy a 'lemon'. I try not to let money stress me out but last night I had a dream about messing up my credit score so bad John was yelling at me and cutting up all our credit cards. It is a good thing that is not reality. I am stepping up and being super strict with my spending for the family. It sounds silly to me and difficult at the same time to balance our gas and food under a certain amount different then usual. I know I can do it, it just hurts my brain. For all those people out there who have no problem with numbers and left brain stuff, my hat is off to you.

Oh, and I am getting sick less lately *yay*

Love, Mimi

Houses, moms and getting over it

Well, the last couple of weeks have been interesting. Being prego kind of amplifies it all. John and I decided we are buying a house this year and this week we actually put an offer in on one. I am not going to lie, this scares the crap out of me. I am way excited but sooo nervous *eep!*. It kind of keeps me up at night and I am having a rough time not wasting my time worrying about it. Sometimes I just have to stop and breath.
Kelton and I have grown closer over the last 6 months. I really love he is our son. We have a schedule and habits now that work pretty seamless. Tricia (Kelton's birth mom) has been on a crazy schedule for the last while so she hasn't been able to take him as much. To be honest I really have liked spending more time with the Keltron. It is seems hard lately for me because Tricia is making some life changes that include spending more time with our son. It makes me happy for Kelton so he can experience his other Mom more but is kind of messing me up. I feel like being selfish and saying, "NO! you snooze you loose!" but, then I remember my vision for this family is unity and communication and stuff. I really am glad Kelton gets to experience both houses more often, it is a part of what makes him who he is. I have notice being Prego makes me WAY more territorial and less willing to take risks. I guess this is just something else I get to look at and let go of. It just doesn't work for me. I don't know why it should bother me that I get to have more one on one time with my hubby before our baby comes. In fact I am going to be more okay with it from this point on. It doesn't mean I don't miss Mr. Kelton still.
Anyway, on with my life :)
-Mimi

Picture of my Mom

"En route to Illinois with the Whitney Family, June 1967"

In this photo: Beth Whitney, Steve Nelson, Anne Whitney, Brenda Whitney

I randomly found this picture of my Mom on the internet. I think she looks really cute so I am sharing it.

Monday Monday

I am feeling a bit emotional today. John has been out of town all weekend and doesn't come home till Tuesday. I really miss him. It seems like everything is setting off my emotions. This morning Kelton and i both agreed we were "buggin' each other". It is strange to think having the Dad buffer there would make such a difference.
My Mother's day was good. I the morning I had long talks with Tricia (Kelton's birth mom). She came over early to meet up and picnic with Kelton and I. We went to a park near her house in West Valley and played in the sand pile. Tricia is an excellent Sand castle maker. The fun attracted a lot of little Spanish kids that were adorable and fun to play with. They taught me how to say Turtle in Spanish :)
After that Kelton and I went with Grandma Beth and Grandpa Wally to Great Grandma's house. I made a roast for dinner and my Mom made the sides. It was sweet to sit in my Grandparent's space and just enjoy being near them. It really was wonderful, Ice cream tastes the best when I am at grandma's.
John called me to Wish me a happy mother's day but i still wish he was with us, not on a business trip. Oh well, I am really glad he works as hard as he does.
Tonight I am going over to my mother's house so Kelton and i can get some space to ourselves. i am really thankful i live in the same valley as my parents. It is nice I can go to such a comforting place when i am having such a roller coaster day.

New post!

I hope no one cares I am posting about my pregnancy a lot. Get used to it though because this is my place to do that :)
I put a little calender at the bottom of my blog so you can see how far along I am. (It is pretty cool)
I am feeling a lot better lately if I keep food in my tummy, I wish I could see the little gummy bear developing though.

-Mimi

Guilty feeling Prego post 2

And now I am gonna remind myself that I really am so thankful and glad I am prego. I am gonna have a healthy wonderful pregnancy and I asked for this so I will get over all the irked stuff.

the end
thanks for being patient with me Mimi

Prego post 2

So, being Pregnant so far is fun to think about but not so fun to do. Don't get me wrong, i love the thought of creation and my little baby in my tummy. I just feel like retraining myself how to eat an sleep is a pain in my bum. Not to mention sleeping is just not really that comfortable, and I am ONLY 2 MONTHS. I can't imagine what it is gonna be like in a couple more. My face also is looking more like my teen years every day, super acne, does that ever go away? I have a dang laundry list of stuff that every girl who has been Prego knows about. The weird thing is I never saw my Mom pregnant or experience a prego lady through out the pregnancy, so i don't know what to expect ...
i hope little gummy bear in my tummy is happy and healthy because if not I am gonna be irked :P

Love, Mimi

I realize I'm Pregnant

After balling up worry energy and preparing all kind of things with my body and my life, I am now pregnant. Seven and a half weeks along.
I have been feeling Prego for a while now but I visited the Dr. yesterday and I got to see a little heartbeat in my tummy :)
Two weeks ago while I was making dinner Kelton came up to me and looked at my belly and said "Mom you are getting fat!". (realistically I have gained only 1-2 pounds since Feb) Then I said "What makes you say that Kelton?" and he said,"Well, you have a baby growing in your tummy." I don't know if it is because Kelton is super smart and picked up what we talk about or if he could tell with his sixth sense. Before John and I decided to get Prego we talked to Kelton about it, I think he is my number one cheerleader because he wants a sister pretty bad. It is a good thing John enrolled him in being okay with a little brother too, just in case.
It is strange being so tired and hungry all the time. I guess it is good I have a toddler still so I can blame it on him for caring all the snacks with me. Truley though, who knew I could be so exausted? I am thankful I have such an awesome husband. He is pretty understanding an helpful. It was so sweet that he is as excited to have another baby. I feel silly to admit I had a fear that he was only doing the baby thing for me since he already has Kelton. I am glad to be wrong.
I can't imagine what it is like being alone and Prego. I understand everyone has a community that supports them but it is not like having a "John" around. I am glad Tricia (Kelton's Birth mom) decided to still have Kelton though she got to do it solo. Same with my cousin Laurie, though I know her community is awesome :) I still am glad she had little Mason and is willing to do what it takes even if that does mean doing it by herself. Maybe I should stop giving her flack about "growing his hair out for peace". :)
Anyway, here I am Blogging about being prego. I am going to start posting pictures of my tummy and stuff. I figure This is a good place to let out how much I think about it.

Much love, Mimi

I miss painting

I miss painting. I am acting like I don't have an art room in the basement just for me. I remember when I used to need to paint as much as I needed sleep or food.
I miss it. It is okay if my art isn't epic, I like doing it.
and I make cool stuff..
*sigh*

Gratitude list for April 1st

I am feeling blah, it is that time again where I get to remind myself how much I am blessed with.

I love:
my car that is good in snow
my son
my honey, john
mason jars
the color green
jelly beans
fictional characters
dancing
good sushi!
weddings
wax seals
running
making forts
climbing trees
baking pies
grandparents
my dad
dogs
the way envelope flaps taste
coffee!!!
my body
the color PINK
painted nails
xerox machines
the smell of new books
friends I can call after 2AM
scarves
comfy shoes
my phone
hot pads!
freshly brushed teeth
babies
My mommy
hoodies!
steam on windows
fancy cheese
things that are miniature
emerald green
hiking
swimming
drawing
hugs
DDR (dance dance revolution)
orange juice
baking soda
being eccentric
the Beatles
records
rain
blankets
laughing
olives
hummus!
whistling
morning showers
stories
pickles
caves
favorite underwear
watermelon
Birthdays!
June
Halloween
painting
my siblings
snow
magenta
charcoal
lizards
airplanes
scuba diving
swimming lessons
cooking
Thai food
the feel of nice paper
velvet
cold water

much better :)
love, Mimi

Kinda fun

The SLC Tribune wrote an article about the company I work at, it is kinda cute.
http://www.sltrib.com/slc/ci_11837826

Health rant

I constantly reorient and reinvent where I am and what I want.
Love, health, money, family, community... it constantly seems to develop more and more.
It is like my Compass finds a different north all the time.
I know I would like my body to be healthy and fit always. My Grandpa is in his 90's, it gives me hope I can live that long. On the other side my Grandma died kinda young.
I want to get pregnant and at the same time it scares me to death. I have been talking about it so much you would think I was already prego (but I am not). It is hard for me to get past my unease of not being able to carry a baby.
I have this huge fear of doctors that I keep trying to kick. Every time I go to the Dr. it seems like there is ALWAYS something weird wrong with me. Ever since I was little! I have a serious laundry list of random and serious aliments. I think my first surgery was when I was 2, bless my tonsils. Then broken bones, Scarlatina, Skateboard/bike accidents, Epstein bar, and "bipolar"/depression.
That Bipolar one is tricky for me. I was subscribed medication for Bipolar but I don't know if it was ever really written on a chart. I stopped going to a doctor for my mental heath around 10th grade. I realized that I would rather feel things then be medicated, it made me feel like a drone. I certainly have done a lot of crazy "bipolar" things (cutting, fighting, crying, shaving head, promiscuity, binge drinking) Currently, I figure if I am aware of that bipolar part of me then I can make different choices now.
At 17 I was hospitalized because I couldn't breath. After a week in ICU at LDS Hospital the doctors were still stumped on what was snuffing out my life. All of my siblings managed to make it too my hospital bed and it all felt like they were saying goodbye. (except Sarah who had to get talked out of flying home from Asia so to see me). My mother or father were sitting next to me pretty much the whole time. I had a really odd out of body experience in the hospital. The machine next to me would beep loudly if I wasn't breathing enough and wake me out of me half conscious stupor I was in the whole time. They would stick needles in me all hours to take test after test after test. I remember this sweet nurse who helped me brush my teeth, she challenged me to breath, one of my personal angels. Then the morning I think I was schedule to die, one of the many young doctors decided to ultrasound my back and found large pockets of fluid. The fluid was pushing my lungs shut and that is why I could not breath. They took immediate action and sat me up on the bed and poked GIANT needles into my back to drain the fluid. My 17 year old body remarkably recovered within a few days and I was sent home. They never really figured out what cause me being sick, or what kind of sickness it was.
Then at 20 I got to have a LEAP Surgery on my cervix due to precancer. I am really glad they caught it so early and everything grew back totally normal and healthy. It is weird how many self worth beliefs I had that came from my girl parts being "defective".
I just feel uncomfortable in hospitals and making appointments to go to the doctor now. It is getting better but I still have something inside that hates it.
I have always been a fun joyful person. I also before the age of 21 never really had any self love. I really did wanna die, a lot. I am glad I was never selfish enough to go through with it. It seems like my family had enough love for me to stick around during those rough times.
6 months or so after my precancer I got real with myself on how I get to change something to keep living. I am pretty dang sure my energy alone towards myself attracted such horrible things to my body.
Anyhow, I shifted into an open space to find a different way then I had been doing it. In that neutral space John crossed paths with me and challenged everything I thought I knew about myself. After some lifestyle changes and going through The Great Life Foundation I have really found, well ME.
After coming to know who I am, a completely authentic person, I have grown to love me. Since then I have decided to live my life instead of hate it or sit in limbo. I have created so much for myself and achieved some cool things (motherhood, connection, money, wife). One thing that really is an amazing RESULT for me though is, I don't really get that sick anymore. I had a weird rash once, random colds and the flu twice. In comparison to my track record, that is like... well NOTHING. Not to mention the whole mental thing, I haven't cut myself in years. My mental major "episodes" are far and few between and my frequency keeps getting longer. I feel good in my body. I love my physical host.

I guess this whole blog is stemmed from where I am at right now. I stopped drinking alcohol so my body can prepare for having a baby. I am on a Juice Fast right now, a 7 day one. This past week has been good for me physically, cleansing. Second to last day with without solid food. Go team Mimi!

love, Mimi

Kelton is freaking cute

The other day on the way home from daycare Kelton told me he has "issues".
I replied, "What kind of issues?"
"I have green issues." was his response.

This boy amazes me and and I am so grateful he is my son. :)
Anyway here are some recent pictures of him.

On his bike from Grandpa Neal

Trying to sneak up on John

Kelton and his Friends Serenity and Harmony. We just went swimming so everyone was in PJs watching a movie and eating popcorn.

Sweet stick/sword/wand/ax/spear that was found on the ground

John taking a picture of us waiting for the "green guy" so we could cross

This on one of my favorites!

My 25th Birthday Parties

I know it is like a month after my birthday but it is better later then never!
I had three birthday cakes. The First one was at my Mom's and she made me the delicious dinner and cake (referred to in previous post). Second one I got on my birthday (January 27th) A Tuesday night. My friend Kwynn came over and made me yummy coconut tofu and cherry goat cheese desert.

Then on Friday I went out to an awesome Indian restaurant near our house called India Fusion. Lot of friends showed up and we had our own private side of the place (including belly dancers). I am kind of bummed because I forgot my camera until we got back to our house after dinner. So after dinner, back to the house and fun time! Olivia made me a cheese cake with unicorns on it:

Pretty much we just hung out after that and lost of people came to play and visit!
And Nate and I busted out a little bit of Will Shakespeare, it was lots-o-fun.
Thanks to those who came and I missed you to those who didn't.


Love, Mimi

Here is an album of all my birthday photos:

Mimi's 25th Birthday

Love love loveee

To everyone :)

Today is my 25th Birthday

I got a card From my Mom and Dad with a monkey on it. Inside Dad wrote "Thanks for Entertaining us for a Quarter of a Century. Love, Mom and Dad". Quarter of a century huh? not bad. Then Dad asked me what I am going to do in this "epic' year and I said," Oh I dunno probably get prego and buy a house, and.." then he stopped me and said he thinks that is good enough. One thing I look forward to always on my birthday is my Mom making me dinner and my favorite dessert. (one thing my out of state siblings miss out on!) This year I asked for Lentil soup and falafel, she did a pretty good job and looked up some yum recipes. Back in the day when our Smiths store had a Golden Swirl in it, a frozen yogurt shop, they had a flavor called Cherry Chocolate. I would request a frozen yogurt cake every year in that flavor. When they shut down my mom would still track one in neighboring cities. This year she made one herself out of ice cream and it was deeelicious! Bless my mom for remembering things I love.
I feel so much love from everyone. I was greeted with a birthday song from the Denver Goolds and Shooter (the dog) this morning and it has been many birthday messages since.
And Bless my husband for being okay with me loving birthdays so much.
I really love my life and I am in aww of how it has only been 25 years. It seems weird that it keeps getting better. So cheers to me and here and thank you to everyone who is sending me birthday loves.
Here is a taste of my birthday presents so far (I feel spoiled and grateful!!)

Yay for nerd slippers!!!

Yay for green cute Nano!!!

Heck yes for tracking my running!!! even if I run less then Reagan I still hope she thinks I am awesome :)

mmmmmm italian leather

I am grateful for...

Monkeys
the color pink
V for Vendetta
pickles
halibut
highlighters
coffee
treadmills
trees
squirrels
the way pumpkin guts feel
marbles
crock pots
tangerines
hoodies!
toothbrushes
morning showers
Metroid
sushi!
feathers
hairbands
flowers flowers
authentic friends
teachers
music!
smiles
singing
my guitar
Vash the Stampede
my lover
spades
popcorn
burritos!!!
Kelton
Kelton when he does fish lips
grapes
TOFU
lentils
Christmas
MY BIRTHDAY (the 27th)
Meditation
my sisters and brothers
adventures
80's music
Hook (the movie)
Slate records
my COUSINS!!!
running
broccoli
Kelton when he cuddles
Subi Shark
rainbows
ants
unicorns
DAVID BOWIE
pandora.com
today

Yay, heck yes, the best way to start the day!

Love, Mimi

My new Gecko, Vash the Stampede

I have never bought myself a Pet. I have either inherited, was given or bartered for any pets I have "been in charge of" in my entire life. Overall I have had a rocky relationship with animal attachment. I have had a hamster (Cody was his name, after Sarah's crush at the time), a box turtle (Sparky) and a rabbit (Peter). The turtle was sick when I got him and the hamster died... somehow or got out or something (I was very young when he was put in my charge) and Peter was in the cage with the other bunnies (minus JollyGun) that cooked in the sun because of cage placement,I am sorry Peter Rabbit. I also got a Puppy for my 12th birthday, a small dog, some cockerspanial mix. I named her Larue and dressed her up often. She was a yappy but sweet dog and nipped at my Dad when he came home in the night once from a buisness trip. Then Larue got taken to the shelter. I bet she would have been a really good dog If I had trainned her. Through my childhood I pretty much became one care taker for the cats and our dog Carmel(Golden Retriver). I sure did love that Carmel Cream Breinholt. We got Carmel when she was a puppy for Christmas one year, I think I was five, she chewed my brad new skipper doll's arm. Carmel is in most of my fondest childhood memories, from taking care of "Chicken", having puppies, playing house, and letting Kristen Douglas bleed on her when I chucked a board at her head by accident. I was really sad when Carmel was so sick Mom and Dad decided to put her down. Other then that the only other pets I had were Guppies I aquired in 9th grade for logo trade work with the Utah Guppy Association. Guppies are okay to niglect because the just keep breeding. I eventually gave them to an ex-boyfried who fed them to his larger fish. Pretty much My heart breakes a little when pets go away so I have avoided getting any the last 9 years.
John adopted an Albino Lepord Gecko (Samega)(she is the brown/purple, yellow/white one) two years ago and she is awesome! I was wary at first because it fell into our laps but John is a super good pet owner. Samega is sweet cute and will let me hold her and cuddle with me.
Yesterday I decided I was ready to get my own Gecko so Samega and I could have a friend. He is Tangerine Tremper Albino (that means he and Samega could breed eventually if we want 'em to). He has long legs and is sweet. I named him Vash the Stampede (he is the other lizard in the pictures) after on of my favorite Anime charaters. I hope he likes his new home. :)

January is my Birthday month

I am turning 25 on the 27th kinda weird.
This morning I woke up on an odd frequency and I am having trouble changing the channels. Maybe I need to get one of those converter boxes for myself (that made me giggle).
Anyway, I seem to be struggling at everything since I woke up. Being a patient Mom in the morning is challenging for me especially today. I feel like a total jerk when i can't just chill and tune out any whining crying coming out of Kelton when he wakes up. And what do I do to create and environment for him to wake up in. I feel like it isn't that bad and I don't understand why he is so emotional when he wakes up. I give him hugs and smiles and tickles but it just seems like I just don't have enough hugs to satisfy the whiny box when he wakes up. I know I don't do good with interacting when I am half asleep but I just don't talk usually if that is the case. I feel like a jerk when I ask Kelton if we could just not talk to each other. Maybe tomorrow I will have music ready to turn on before i wake him up, that might set the mood better.

And I broke my coffee cup that I have had at work for years. It was sad.

I think this morning is totally an appropriate time for a gratitude list.
I am grateful for:
my purple hoodie
John
my eyes
hair dye
my paycheck
apples
the blue cover on my phone
the smell of goat milk soap
small forks
co-workers
family
tricia
indian food
healthy choices
authentic friends
myself
reading
books with dragons in them
organic peanut butter
tofu
lotus flowers
a new presidency
the radio
my purse
the handle on my purse
my hands
a body that works well
good teeth
loving to walk
earrings
comfy jeans
pomegranates
leeks
geckos
how a bell sounds
bean burritos
parents
Kelton
origami
the smell of Elmer's glue
the moments I have a red lights
my sisters
the hockey pokey
Subi Shark
fuzzy fabric
squirrels
shiny rocks
healthy snacks under 100 calories
permanent markers
My brothers
my birthday
penguins
the guitar
lentils
a perfect song at a perfect time
pirate monkeys
Unicorns
sparkles
the word "rendezvous "
baby jelly doughnuts
Piper
whales
canned chili
good movies
clean underwear
hairstylists
soft skin
GREEN
chocolate with coconut and cherries
guppies
PINK
email
curly Maya hair
college football
not smoking
stars
the way clean air smells
when someone opens the door for me
tomato soup
baby pickles
Kelton's eyes
violins
my mom
trampolines
the mountains
the way the moon looks
my bed
tears
smiles
the way cats tongues feel
sushi!
anime
the sound of a can opening
cedar
carpet
toothpicks with the little flags
tarts
lined paper
oreos
a good sandwich
babies
floss
snowflakes

THAT was way beneficial for me. :D
Today is gonna be good, I am just going to trust myself and know it is gonna be okay.
Don't forget to smile.
Love, Mimi

New Year's 2009 Denver Trip

I know I am going out of order, I haven't even posted Christmas photo's yet. John and I went to visit Cousin Preston and Holly in Denver this New Years. Our friends Arnie and Lindsay meet us there and we had blast!
New Years eve we went down town and hung out on the street with thousands of people to watch the fire works. John was so excited about the new year he decided to hug anyone who would let him :)

New Years 2009

The Day after New years Preston and Holly surprised us and tooks us to Holly's Grandma's house to make a cast of our hands. Holly's grandma is an awesome artist so it was really nice of her to do. Then the next day they took us up to a cabin in the Colorado Mountains. There were hot springs and a swimming pool and snow!!! The cabin was super nice and John and I were able to watch the Sugar bowl, GO UTES!!! The night ended with 4 hours of playing Cranium and laughing the whole time! Then next night our friend jill threw a big party at her Mom's Spa and I got to sit in a 15 man hot tub and hang in a sauna. THen we flew home the next morning.
John and I both agree, it was time well spent :)

Denver Trip Jan 2009